indigestion.

I don’t cook very much. What for?!?! I’m only one person and it’s just annoying to cook. I did cook a little when I first moved into my apartment. i was “excited” to be on my own and wanted to cook up a storm. Now I’m not really excited to eat anyway.. and yet I’m still 30 lbs over weight. Go figure.

So What do i eat all day? nuts, fruit, cheese, bread and… ice cream. So my stomach is used to some raw foods. very healthy i must say. But whenever i eat ANYTHING that is cooked or different from what I’m used to eating, my stomach canNOT handle it. I always have stomach issues afterwards. Not really it hurting tremendously but just… stomach gas. Sorry if that sounds gross… it’s not gross. Just burping all night long. That’s what happens when you go from all na-tu-ral foods to COOKED stuff… and for some reason, these days i can’t STAND eating meat… EWWWWWWWWWWW! I have nausea and a lack of appetite.. and yet again, i’m still 30 lbs over weight. There’s a reason for that! thank-you-very-much.

I went to bed tonight at 11pm… woke up at 2:30 to use the restroom and just… woke up. Couldn’t go back to sleep so now it’s 5:15am and the sun will be a-rising soon. Just been doing computer stuff, internet stuff. I can’t sleep. There’s too much on my heart. And I can’t pray. there’s too much stuff on my heart that it’s too heavy to pray about it. It’s just *ugh*. Sometimes you can’t pray. sometimes you just have to BE with God, in all your ugliness, all your pain, all your discomfort, in all your throwup.. just BE with Him.

I really don’t like this phase in my life that I’m in. BOO on throw up!!! (throw up is the name of the phase I’m in). I’m throwing up all the JUNK from the past. I can no longer stomach the past. Okay.. throw it up.

I really want to go for a walk. I’m tired yes, but I need to get out and walk.. I think I’ll wait for the sun to come up a little more and then walking I shall go.. unless i’m way too tired to walk cuz i’m getting super sleepy.

God… my heart is burdened. My heart feels so heavy.

Anyway, i have to read hella books before finals. these books are LAME but I have to read them to get a grade. shit. I hate that. but gotta do it… shit again.

k… i keep burping.. and now i’m tired.. and now i don’t think i’m going for that walk anymore. too tired. I’m gonna “read” (more like skim and turn pages rapidly) this stupid book for class.. Can’t they grade us on what we understand instead of grading us on our ability to write papers.. STUPID SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!! I HATE SCHOOL FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

remember that midterm?

remember that midterm? The one that I was almost done with. Well i’m not done with it yet but I am writing the last answer as I type… well not as I type because i can’t type on two computers at the same time. That would be impressive though.

I hate school, have I mentioned that yet? Thought I would drop that by again.