BANGS!!!!

As a little girl, I used to always have bangs. I even did the whole “wave” action in the 80’s early 90’s. Well I decided to grow up and with that came growing out my little girl bangs. Well yesterday I was looking at someone’s pictures of them with bangs! They looked soooo good! Well about 4 or 5 months ago, I had shorter hair and bangs and I looked (in my opinion) like someone had put a bowl over my head and cut my hair. ew. So I grew out the bangs and the hair (well.. my hair is still super short but I have a little more length than before) and now it doesn’t look like someone put a bowl over my head and cut around it. But still… no bangs.

So as I was looking at this girls hair with her cute little bangs, I decided to give it a try. So I took out my trusty scissors and snip snip away at my hair and the results? BELOW!! I LOVE THEM!!

YAHOO!! My bangs that I’ve had since age 5 are now BACK!!!! Leila and bangs go together like peanut butter and jelly!

Oh yeah, and of course I had to sport the new down vest jacket with a fur lined hoody that I bought for… $18!!!! Heck YEAH for deals!! CUTE deals!! CHEAP deals!! WARM deals! and BANGS!!!! hahahaha

sewing machines and boogie boards.

I BOUGHT A SEWING MACHINE!!!!!!!!!!! and a boogie board. hahaha

So why the lowercaps for boogie board? Because I’m totally self conscious of my OVER WEIGHT BODY! and I TOLD God that I need to lose weight and I can do it MY way which will be harmful and unhealthy. Then God said that my food issues has to do with my past issues so when the past settles down within me, so will my food and body issues. THAT IS GOING TO TAKE 3,000 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My first project will be to take clothes that I will give away or that people don’t want and take them apart to put them back together again! and then to make new designs with them! I am SOOO excited to mess things up and see how to make things amazing! YAHOO-ZA!

the end.

i like my new neighbors.

Sooooooo i was excited about today because it was my last day in class for the school year. I saw that the Haynes’s door was open so I went over to say hello and saw that they were having dinner with my new neighbors (their new neighbors as well.. we share neighbors). I went over and asked them if it were rude that I was coming over. They said no. so i hung out with them. it was nice. I like my new neighbors! yay!

I have half a paper and some skimming to do and I’m done with my quarter! YA-FREAKEN-HOO!!!

understanding. i get it.

God showed me a vision of a “tool belt” all the way back in June of 2007. I thought to myself, “Okay, that’s why i’m in seminary. I must have the tools to teach. I can’t teach until i am first taught. got it.” well now that it’s been almost a year later, I see that my interpretation of that picture was totally off! It wasn’t for the sake of teaching others… it was for ME.

how amazing when God helps you see things… really see things.

tanks Jesus.

tanks Jesus. it’s time to celebrate!

a picture a day…

… keeps leila sane!

So I’ve been reading and learning about photography online. There’s a dude who decided to do a project called “Photography 365″ where he’s gonna take one amazing picture a day. i was thinking of doing that. Instead, i chose to be inspired and go out and just take pictures!! Also, God has told me to go “play” for one hour a day. This was my choice to play.

I didn’t expect these pictures to come out so good! I’m really really impressed. some are so-so.. others are WAM-BAM that was good!!

If you want to see them bigger, click on the pic. If you want to see them even BIGGER then go here.

it’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is snoring….

went to bed and bumped his head and couldn’t get up in the morning. Har Har Har. Today was WEIRD! It was cloudy and overcast then it turned into HAIL then back to sunny then rainy then HAIL and then drizzle with a bit of sunshine over the horizon, and now i’m in class and it’s WARM. oh me, oh my. Now I’m in class, frustrated with the work I have to do. i wish school systems were just different. Oh well. I’m excited for SUNDAY because I get to go to church! haha. who would’ve thought I would say that I was excited to go to CHURCH. not me!! I was so against church, so against going and just irritated and bothered by it. Not that I’m not blessed, it just wasn’t my time to go and people couldn’t understand that. people couldn’t understand that i needed a break. or maybe they did get it and i was the one uncomfortable… no they were.. or they were and i knew it and it just made me uncomfortable. i dunno.

Anyway, I can’t WAIT to do more and more pictures!! pictures, pictures, pictures!! I want pictures. I want to take pictures and I want to snap snap snap!! So anyway, i’m supposed to do Ingrid this saturday for a photoshoot (maybe) and if not her then maybe Joy and Christian.. but for sure Maria on Monday. I hope things don’t fall out. i hope things follow through.

rain.

Last week it was HOT as what and today it’s raining. Funny weather.

So my friend doesn’t really know me and she keeps assuming things about me, things I don’t know so she attempts to tell me those things that I don’t know and what happens? She’s telling me things I already know and i get piiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed!!!!!! But I prayed about it and God helped me see that she doesn’t know me so she keeps assuming I don’t know and then wants to help me out. I just feel a bit negated.

i need to do photography and more photography.. and then after i do photography, i need to do a little more photography. just for the sake of photography.

holy cow it’s POURING!!!!!!!!!! whoa. that’s sooo weird. very very weird. hahaha. i can hear kids screaming as they are being pelted with hail. it’s HAILING!!!! whoa

waaaa.

boy did I CRY. i cried and cried and cried… it was deep weeping. i just had to tell God everything and anything and just explain to him my heart. it was some serious weeping. and in the end, i felt so much better. sometimes you just need to let it out!!

i told god i was angry with this world. i was angry at the darkness and the hurt. i was angry at the lack of compassion i see from people. i’m angry that people are hungry. i’m angry that people don’t have enough and then others have too much. i’m just angry!! and i have a right to be angry. i’ve shoved down my anger for too long and i don’t want to be silent anymore!! i’m angry at my own life, angry for my dad and mom and sister and friends and people in other countries. i’m angry at the system called earth. i’m angry, oh so damn angry!!!!!!!!!!

i told god i wanted to go home, to him… i wept. i just wanted OUT of this stupid world. but then my heart stops and i know i won’t leave and i know i don’t want to go because i’ve been commissioned.. i’m supposed to be here, i’m supposd to stay, i’m supposed to speak, i’m supposed to be a mom and a wife and i’m supposed to make a difference in this world. i’m supposed be blessed and have an abundance and i’m supposed to thrive and laugh and enjoy myself.

i asked God why doesn’t he just heal me quickly. god told me i’m like an iceberg… i only see the little bit on top but underneath all that is a HUGE chunk of ice. i told god to melt the damn ice!!! hurry up and heal me! god said, “what will we replace it with? if you heal too quickly, you will be left with no identity. you have to chip away at the old but replace it with the new.” god is sooo wise. hahahaha. of course he is!!

God is funny. he’s so patient with me and my anger. sometimes i don’t understand the world. i don’t understand the world systems and why there’s evil and those stupid demons that are supposed to be UNDER OUR FEET not above our feet and not harassing us!!! we are and were supposed to take dominion over our earth, to subdue it… god told me last night that the way to defeat the enemy is not to necessarily fight (sometimes) but to dance in victory because we’ve already won the war!!!! the enemy attempts to lie to us, saying that we need to fight him because we haven’t won…. then we just keep putting our efforts into a war that we’ve already won. it’s waste!! so God explained that we are to leave, walk away and start dancing in celebration! we are victorious in christ… HIS victory is OUR victory. I LOVE IT!!! I love the GOSPEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so dance I shall!

i had a rough night last night. i seem to get the worst stuff out at night… i feel like it’s the only time i can get really real with god and just let my heart pour out to him. other times, during the day, with people — yeah right! let’s see those tear flow, i don’t think so!!!! but it’s hard to weep at night (haha) because then people can hear me. hahahahaa!! so i have to stifle my tears.. but they’re still loud. oh well.

i choose to push past all these feelings and enjoy my day. i get to go to nations banquet (or something like that) tonight where we taste all these cultural foods! can’t wait! yay!

ok, i’m probably a lot more happy when i type than i am in real life. i’m pretty mellow right now. i’m usually like that after a big cry the night before. also i’ve been so stressed with the stuff that comes out of my heart that i got a cold sore!!!!!!!!!! damn thing! but i just bought abreva so i’m gonna try that sucka out!

k, i’m off to start my day (at 3pm??? YES!!!!! at 3 pm!!!!!!!!!! i fell asleep at 5am!!!)… my sleep schedule is off because i do so much healing and talking to God at night. i don’t have to be like “everyone else.” i’m hungry. bye!

tired? cold sores? nausea? hunger? i dunno?

soooooo… I couldn’t sleep last night until, oh, around 5 or 6 or 7 am. Just could not sleep! So then I finally fell asleep and slept through the morning until my alarm went off at 10am. but then i thought, “i JUST fell asleep. i need to sleep more.” So I forced myself so sleep till 1pm. Got up hella tired… it was hot!! Got ready and did errands.

By the time I got to class tonight, I was sooooooooooo tired. just TIRED!! And naseated. I could NOT think of one yummy thing to eat. Everything sounded nasty. Well i got home and the only thing that sounded good was toast and eggs. So i ate that. Then i baked some cookies. Then I ate apple sauce (I bet this is soooo interesting to read!!) and was gonna eat cherries but got full cuz I drank a lot of water. I also ate 3 cookies. heehee.. I wanted to eat more cookies but felt a caution from God that I was eating too many.

So then I watched tv (LOST– that show is confusing and too intense for me and i didn’t like it) and then friends and now here I sit, too full to move, cherries uneaten and my phone totally wacked!!! It suddenly broke on me! The screen just stopped lighting up. So then I went online and did another 2 year contract with my company and got a free phone (yay)… But then I had to buy a new case and then what if i need a new car charger! it’s just annoying that i’m buying all these new things for a new phone when I didn’t even check to see what was wrong with my old phone. what if the old phone could’ve been fixed? But it would take tooooo long!!!! so i just got the other phone instead. it’s a pretty phone and it was freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee….

i’m sooooo tired. i hope i fall asleep when i go to bed. I always have a very very very difficult time sleeping. boo