for I wake up and see
that my life is in you
because how else could i live
if it weren’t for your love

sometimes i don’t understand
the way that you love
you say it to me again and again
and i stand without knowing

who what where when how and why
would you love such a person like me
the girl who doesn’t get it
or who just sits and regrets

how do you love
how do you choose
where does it come from
this overflowing power of love

it’s supposed to fill me, yes?
it’s supposed to complete me
and make me
into the person i’m supposed to be

and yet I find myself lost
even scattered
when once i was whole and complete

how i feel is jumbled
how i feel is saddened
how i feel is this overwhelming feeling
of heaviness that won’t lift

so i choose to sit in your presence
as i am
and say to you, my lord
oh how my heart hurts
oh how i wish it would be still
and yet it isn’t
because it isn’t done yet

the process of purging
healing
growing
lifting
it just doesn’t end now does it?

when, o lord, when
when will i feel the lift
the lightness of my wings
so that i can finally
finally soar

it’s in you
in your perfection
in your grace
and in your hope

that i can ask these things
that I can hope for an answer
outside myself

so i wait.

so i choose.

so i will stand in you.

not because i’m oh so damn holy.
but because i am oh so damn desperate.

how can i stand?
how can i live?
how can i breathe?
if you are not my source.

lord, you say my name.
you call me and say
my child, i am with you
my child, i am here
and with those words
i feel calm
all over again.

and i find
i’m back where i started from
yet better.

Thank you Jesus.

poem written by Leila Dali
copyright Leila Dali