for such a time as this.

for I wake up and see
that my life is in you
because how else could i live
if it weren’t for your love

sometimes i don’t understand
the way that you love
you say it to me again and again
and i stand without knowing

who what where when how and why
would you love such a person like me
the girl who doesn’t get it
or who just sits and regrets

how do you love
how do you choose
where does it come from
this overflowing power of love

it’s supposed to fill me, yes?
it’s supposed to complete me
and make me
into the person i’m supposed to be

and yet I find myself lost
even scattered
when once i was whole and complete

how i feel is jumbled
how i feel is saddened
how i feel is this overwhelming feeling
of heaviness that won’t lift

so i choose to sit in your presence
as i am
and say to you, my lord
oh how my heart hurts
oh how i wish it would be still
and yet it isn’t
because it isn’t done yet

the process of purging
healing
growing
lifting
it just doesn’t end now does it?

when, o lord, when
when will i feel the lift
the lightness of my wings
so that i can finally
finally soar

it’s in you
in your perfection
in your grace
and in your hope

that i can ask these things
that I can hope for an answer
outside myself

so i wait.

so i choose.

so i will stand in you.

not because i’m oh so damn holy.
but because i am oh so damn desperate.

how can i stand?
how can i live?
how can i breathe?
if you are not my source.

lord, you say my name.
you call me and say
my child, i am with you
my child, i am here
and with those words
i feel calm
all over again.

and i find
i’m back where i started from
yet better.

Thank you Jesus.

poem written by Leila Dali
copyright Leila Dali

a nice picture.

free to be me.

I am free to be me. I am free to think about what I want in life. There are so many possibilities now! That is really exciting. I just hope I make the right decisions. I want things in life to be more successful and stable and moving forward. i want to move out of California. I don’t want to live here anymore. I want to see more trees and for the weather to be more cold perhaps. I want to really be successful in my photography business. I want life to be more consistent and for life to really propel forward. I learned a really good lesson that I don’t have to shut up and just let people tell me how life is going to unfold. I was so desperate for God to make my life good and better that I was willing to let go of all my own desires to take on God’s desires for my life. And God knew that and didn’t want me to continue living my life ONLY for him. He kinda helped me see that GOd’s will for my life was MY will and HIS will combined. That is a paradigm shift for me. That makes me realize that i can have so many things going for my life. I can really stand up and make a change. This is so awesome!

I am excited with my newfound “power.” I am excited that i get to exercise my voice and make a difference in what I want to do. I still feel scared and nervous but I WILL DO IT ANYWAY. I still have so much to learn but God is going to help me walk with it. THANK YOU JESUS!!!!

I have a voice!!!!

Leila

waiting.

waiting… just waiting… and healing… and waiting… and pausing… and waiting.

walking.

you are asking me to walk
in a way that seems desolate and ruined
a place of dry lands and twiggy pastures

you’re asking me to walk away from green lands
from pastures that are secure and humble
to a place of faith that i might only trust in you

choosing to follow your will when all is empty
is one of the hardest things for me to do
to bow and surrender when all i want to do is run away

so i choose God to lay at your mercy
to kneel at your will and listen to your voice
for how am i to stand and be strong on my own

hold me up god because i can’t do this on my own.