SO MANY BLOGS!!

I HAVE SOOOOOOOOOOO MANY BLOGS it’s not even funny!!! I have a shelah photography blog on blogger which switched to shelahphotography.com/blog, I have a shelah’s journey blog, a healthy shelah blog and now I just found out I can’t delete this one, my shelahbraveheart blog.

I really need to stick to ONE blog and leave it be!!! geez… GEEZ LEILA!!

BANGS!!!!

As a little girl, I used to always have bangs. I even did the whole “wave” action in the 80’s early 90’s. Well I decided to grow up and with that came growing out my little girl bangs. Well yesterday I was looking at someone’s pictures of them with bangs! They looked soooo good! Well about 4 or 5 months ago, I had shorter hair and bangs and I looked (in my opinion) like someone had put a bowl over my head and cut my hair. ew. So I grew out the bangs and the hair (well.. my hair is still super short but I have a little more length than before) and now it doesn’t look like someone put a bowl over my head and cut around it. But still… no bangs.

So as I was looking at this girls hair with her cute little bangs, I decided to give it a try. So I took out my trusty scissors and snip snip away at my hair and the results? BELOW!! I LOVE THEM!!

YAHOO!! My bangs that I’ve had since age 5 are now BACK!!!! Leila and bangs go together like peanut butter and jelly!

Oh yeah, and of course I had to sport the new down vest jacket with a fur lined hoody that I bought for… $18!!!! Heck YEAH for deals!! CUTE deals!! CHEAP deals!! WARM deals! and BANGS!!!! hahahaha

for such a time as this.

for I wake up and see
that my life is in you
because how else could i live
if it weren’t for your love

sometimes i don’t understand
the way that you love
you say it to me again and again
and i stand without knowing

who what where when how and why
would you love such a person like me
the girl who doesn’t get it
or who just sits and regrets

how do you love
how do you choose
where does it come from
this overflowing power of love

it’s supposed to fill me, yes?
it’s supposed to complete me
and make me
into the person i’m supposed to be

and yet I find myself lost
even scattered
when once i was whole and complete

how i feel is jumbled
how i feel is saddened
how i feel is this overwhelming feeling
of heaviness that won’t lift

so i choose to sit in your presence
as i am
and say to you, my lord
oh how my heart hurts
oh how i wish it would be still
and yet it isn’t
because it isn’t done yet

the process of purging
healing
growing
lifting
it just doesn’t end now does it?

when, o lord, when
when will i feel the lift
the lightness of my wings
so that i can finally
finally soar

it’s in you
in your perfection
in your grace
and in your hope

that i can ask these things
that I can hope for an answer
outside myself

so i wait.

so i choose.

so i will stand in you.

not because i’m oh so damn holy.
but because i am oh so damn desperate.

how can i stand?
how can i live?
how can i breathe?
if you are not my source.

lord, you say my name.
you call me and say
my child, i am with you
my child, i am here
and with those words
i feel calm
all over again.

and i find
i’m back where i started from
yet better.

Thank you Jesus.

poem written by Leila Dali
copyright Leila Dali

a nice picture.

free to be me.

I am free to be me. I am free to think about what I want in life. There are so many possibilities now! That is really exciting. I just hope I make the right decisions. I want things in life to be more successful and stable and moving forward. i want to move out of California. I don’t want to live here anymore. I want to see more trees and for the weather to be more cold perhaps. I want to really be successful in my photography business. I want life to be more consistent and for life to really propel forward. I learned a really good lesson that I don’t have to shut up and just let people tell me how life is going to unfold. I was so desperate for God to make my life good and better that I was willing to let go of all my own desires to take on God’s desires for my life. And God knew that and didn’t want me to continue living my life ONLY for him. He kinda helped me see that GOd’s will for my life was MY will and HIS will combined. That is a paradigm shift for me. That makes me realize that i can have so many things going for my life. I can really stand up and make a change. This is so awesome!

I am excited with my newfound “power.” I am excited that i get to exercise my voice and make a difference in what I want to do. I still feel scared and nervous but I WILL DO IT ANYWAY. I still have so much to learn but God is going to help me walk with it. THANK YOU JESUS!!!!

I have a voice!!!!

Leila

waiting.

waiting… just waiting… and healing… and waiting… and pausing… and waiting.

walking.

you are asking me to walk
in a way that seems desolate and ruined
a place of dry lands and twiggy pastures

you’re asking me to walk away from green lands
from pastures that are secure and humble
to a place of faith that i might only trust in you

choosing to follow your will when all is empty
is one of the hardest things for me to do
to bow and surrender when all i want to do is run away

so i choose God to lay at your mercy
to kneel at your will and listen to your voice
for how am i to stand and be strong on my own

hold me up god because i can’t do this on my own.

i feel sad.

i feel sad. I know that God is trying to get me to follow him and do his will…. but lemme tell you.. Just lemme tell you!! it’s very difficult!

i like him. a lot.

it’s not fair that I like him a lot. Well maybe it is fair. i just like him. A lot. and it doesn’t help that Jesus says YES!  bah-hahhaha

nausea…

I FEEL SO SICK!! YUCK!!

My m’s are being pooped out. My body is going through changes, I can feel it. OH LORD JESUS.